The Square Root of Why

First things first: no one can truly claim they’re empathetic or that they understand someone else’s viewpoint if they aren’t fully aware of their own perspective. Last week, we covered the need to step out of your own perspective — and that’s absolutely true, but it’s easier said than done. So, now that I have your attention, this week we’ll start from square one to find your square root.

Every day, people interact — for better or worse. Yet most of us rarely make a real attempt to grasp the truth of another person’s background, and even more rarely our own. We fail to assess ourselves simply because we avoid the question of why. Why do I act, think, or speak with certain tones or expressions? Why do I feel this emotion? Should I dig deeper to uncover my true stance on a situation? In the interest of time, I’ll assume you can imagine the endless stream of questions we could ask about why things are the way they seem.

This means many things, but most importantly: if you want to be a strong supporter of anything, empty phrases and breezy condolences won’t cut it. You can’t fill someone else’s half-empty glass if yours has nothing to pour out. Put simply, you can’t support someone until you’ve learned how to support yourself. I know that sounds therapeutic — maybe even cheesy — but it’s a reality, especially if you’ve become numb to acknowledging your own feelings.

We don’t need to dive into psychological theory or sift through endless ethics papers to learn how to improve your interpersonal skills (which, by the way, will enhance your tech career). We’d get lost in the weeds trying to decode all the psychological minutiae — and I’ve already done plenty of that for you, both academically and experientially. What I’ve found is this: empathy starts with self-exploration.

In math, the square root is the number that, when multiplied by itself, produces a specified quantity. I propose finding the square root of one’s self. In other words, figure out why you are the way you are to make you more inquisitive about life and why it operates the way it does. Or, for better explanation, if you ponder your own intentions and implement your findings to enhance your life and the lives of those around you, you multiply the good in the world.

You don’t need to create a BetterHelp account or check if your insurance covers counseling. Just start by putting your best foot forward each day — and be intentional about having genuine interactions. You matter, and while your technical skills help carry the load, your interpersonal skills should too. To build stronger connections at work with clients and colleagues, find your square root.